I have another really important question about this poem.?

The other day I posted a poem on here and I wanted to know if it was poetry or not. I did some research and based on the lines of poetic writing it is. So now I want to know if it is actually worth keeping or should I just throw it out and start from scratch?? Feel free to judge harshly.





Imperishable


Dreams are something you want


Something that people forget as they age


But fantasies are things you crave; love, peace, even happiness


In my world the dreams are fantasies as fantasies are dreams


Perfect elements that mix together in a tureen full of honesty and passion


And sometimes the fantasies are so real that it hurts when they end


When you want something so much


And the dreams allow you to have it


Would you take it?


This is where we make our mistakes


People often confuse essentials with selfishness


Thinking they need something when it鈥檚 really what they want


And when they don鈥檛 get it鈥?br>

They鈥檙e heartbroken


But what most humans don鈥檛 realize is this:


You don鈥檛 need a lovers embrace to get you through


Friendship and family are for that.


Yet you do need a little help along the way


And that help can change your life


Dreams show you what path to take


Fantasies are visions of what that path will bring


Combined, the two things are imperishable lovers


Allowing you a world full of choices and the guide to your destiny.


~cLm~





P.S. I've made some changes here and there and I've added a couple lines to it.


cheers,|||The concept of your poem is very good...notice that I didn't say, "I think the concept...", that's because when you speak your words imply that it's what you "think" when the answer is subjective. I mention this because there are places in your poem you could streamline because what you say is unnecessary because of the context. For example, "what most humans don't realize"...your readers will understand you're speaking about "humans", because that's their frame of reference. You might say, "what so many fail to realize", or something along those lines, but when you introduce the words "human" it makes the reader question "why" you had to specify something already understood. You also use the word "you" quite frequently...this too is implied because the reader knows you're speaking to them, so you could simply say either, "we need" or rephrase it to say, "no need for a lover's embrace", and gain an alliteration in the process. All in all your poem has a lot of potential, so I wouldn't "throw it out"...but I'd edit it with a large knife to trim the fat and get it down to its core. You'll find that if you pick those phrases that make the point quickly and link them together, you'll have a much more effective poem. For example, and this is certainly not the only way to edit it, here is how the first few lines "might" go:





Imperishable dreams...wanted


but people forget as they age


Fantasies ...craved


love, peace, even happiness


dreams are fantasies, fantasies dreams





Again, this isn't "better", it's just a different way to focus on the core concepts of your poem in a way that makes the point sharper because it isn't hidden amongst prose.





You have no problems with images and your language skills are fine...just work on editing it down to a leaner version of itself and see how it sounds.





...and keep writing